Stop Asking Me to Fit In: A Love Letter to the Brave Weirdos at Work
In “How to Train Your Dragon”, young Hiccup finally wins the respect of his Viking village. After years of being mocked for his awkwardness and curiosity, he learns how to outwit dragons—and suddenly, he fits in. But even as the crowd cheers, you can see it in his eyes: he still doesn’t belong.
That’s the emotional math so many professionals know by heart. We shapeshift, smooth our edges, translate our brilliance into corporate dialects—and still end up lonely in rooms we’ve earned the right to be in.
We call it professionalism, but really, it’s a survival strategy.
Fitting In Is a Trauma Response
Brené Brown says it best: “Fitting in is becoming who you think you need to be; belonging is being who you are.”
Let’s be real—many of us were trained to fit in before we even got our first paycheck. Women told we’re “too much.” Neurodivergent folks told to tone it down. Immigrants who learned to mirror accents. Queer professionals taught that safety requires silence.
That’s not culture—that’s conditioning. It’s the kind of quiet trauma that makes people doubt their own voice, their timing, their intuition.
And yet, those very quirks—the things that make us “too”—are often the things that make us visionary. When you spend years reading rooms for safety, you develop empathy radar. When you’ve had to fight to be heard, you learn to lead with precision and care.
The Myth of Culture Fit
“Culture fit” is one of those phrases that sounds like strategy but smells like fear. It’s the corporate version of “that’s not how we do things here,” which usually translates to: we only value difference that doesn’t make us uncomfortable.
But culture isn’t a museum exhibit—it’s a living ecosystem. It needs cross-pollination. Every person who joins a team changes its chemistry, whether leaders admit it or not. The question is: are you expanding the soil, or sterilizing it?
Brené Brown’s latest book, Strong Ground, reframes leadership as the art of holding paradox: accountability and empathy, boundaries and belonging. Brave leaders don’t sacrifice truth to keep the peace. They tell the truth in ways that make peace possible.
Relational Leadership: Repair + Care
Feedback is not a weapon; it’s a bridge. And how you walk across it determines whether your people trust you enough to keep building with you.
Brown calls this “relational leadership”—giving feedback in a way that still communicates you matter here.
Imagine the difference between:
“You need to learn to read the room.”
and“I love that you brought mindfulness into this meeting. Let’s think about how to frame it so it lands with this group.”
The first one shuts the nervous system down. The second one keeps the door open.
That’s not soft—it’s trauma-informed. It’s what safety sounds like.
Four Practices for Brave Workplaces
Belonging isn’t a nice-to-have; it’s the nervous system of a healthy organization. And it doesn’t happen by accident. It happens through micro-practices of care and courage:
From Regret to Repair. Leadership isn’t about never messing up. It’s about knowing how to say, “I missed it. Let me try again.”
From Recognition to Real Appreciation. Recognition celebrates results; appreciation celebrates humanity. Tell people how their work made a difference.
From Packed Agendas to Built-In Buffers. Connection requires breath. Leave space in your meetings for people to exist as humans, not just producers.
From Episodic to Everyday. Belonging doesn’t bloom at the off-site. It grows in the daily rhythm of noticing and including—the quiet moments where people feel felt.
The High Ground
At the end of How to Train Your Dragon, Hiccup doesn’t conquer the dragons—he partners with them. His compassion transforms his community. That’s what real belonging does: it evolves the whole system.
When people feel safe enough to show up as they are, they don’t just strengthen culture—they grow it.
So here’s to the brave weirdos: the ones who bring heart into strategy decks and softness into structures. The ones who refuse to perform professionalism at the cost of their humanity.
Stop asking us to fit in. We’re here to help you evolve.
About the Author
Minal Kamlani is a trauma-informed ADHD recovery coach based in NYC. She works with neurodivergent adults in recovery from trauma, burnout, and survival-based coping. Her coaching blends structure and nervous system awareness to help clients reclaim function—without shame or perfectionism. Learn more at Higher Vibes Coaching.