I Wore a Mamdani T-shirt. You’d Think I Set the House on Fire
When I posted a simple self-care video in a major coaching forum—wearing a Zohran Mamdani t-shirt, nothing political, just human—a “master coach” accused me of being unprofessional and turned it into a public takedown. The fallout says everything about who’s allowed to speak, who’s expected to stay silent, and why true psychological safety scares the people who preach it. This story was inspired by something that happened to me — a small, public moment that revealed so much about the world we’re living in.
Trigger alert for conservative political types…but you probably wouldn’t be here anyway!
The Master Coach Who Hadn’t Mastered Herself
Yesterday, I was in a coaching community group chat where I’ve volunteered, built relationships, and supported other coaches for years. I shared something personal: how I’d managed to turn a hard day around, how self-advocacy and small joys can shift your energy when you’re running on empty.
My exact copy for the post is in the thumbnail, and it said:
“As coaches, we learn to help ourselves pivot through bad times. I got devastating news from my insurance company this morning, but this new t-shirt cheered me up and reminded me that I need to keep self-advocating.”
I was smiling, grounded, and wearing a simple Zohran Mamdani for New York City t-shirt. I was happy to get that t-shirt in the mail, because it reminded me to keep pushing forward as an Indian American. To me, it wasn’t about politics. It was about my resilience — and he was someone who brought that out in others. Remembering advocacy — for yourself or your community — is sacred work. I never mentioned politics in the copy or in the video. There was literally nothing rude about the t-shirt or my video. I didn’t tell people to vote for him or anyone else.
Is my t-shirt and video actually offensive? Take a look for yourself.
Instead of encouragement for my resilience after some really terrible news, I was publicly scolded about my t-shirt by a so-called “master coach” named Lexi (name changed). This is someone who has also trolled some of my LinkedIn posts. Given how many times she has been confrontational towards me, I’m going to chalk it up to her needing mental help. This woman is at least 15 years younger than me, by the way, which makes it even stranger.
I hadn’t mentioned politics. Not a word. Yet she accused me of starting a political conversation based on a self-advocacy message. I may have posted the same thing about the Blondie t-shirt I was waiting for from Wild Fang. (Anyone who has seen me more than a few times knows I love my t-shirts and often cut them up.) Well, she kept going at me — and literally tried to cancel me as a coach in that community for wearing a Mamdani t-shirt. Maybe the pride macrame behind me also set her off. lol
When I replied calmly that there was nothing disrespectful about my message — that her commentary and starting a discussion about this being political caused more harm than the t-shirt I was wearing — she doubled down, encouraging a mob mentality among like-minded folks. In a DM, someone actually compared my wearing that shirt to wearing a “homosexuality is a sin” or “family is a man, woman, and children” t-shirt. Well, she kept escalating and insinuating that I was up to something political until the group admin had to shut down all comments. She was so fixated on her being right and me being wrong. Would you hire a coach like that?
In a community of coaches — people supposedly trained in emotional intelligence, equity, and communication — my diversity and humanity became a threat to someone else’s idea of professionalism. And just like that, a post about self-care became a lesson in power and possibly white supremacy — and what happens when “safety” is defined by who gets to speak, not by who needs to be heard.
There is a lot of racism and sexism in coaching, by the way. I think back to an ethics event a few years ago, when a handful of coaches went off the rails at the mention of the word 'identity'. I may have been the one who mentioned that word, but the case studies did include identity issues, which I was referring to. Identity is a big part of the WHO in coaching. We are not all the same, nor do we want the same things. Coaching ethics also don’t require neutrality—they require awareness and equity. So, looks like a lot of coaches have some growing up to do.
Update: When I shared this post with some coaching friends, they said it was shocking and awful—and that it was good I was standing up for myself. If the coaching community punishes someone for speaking their truth or defending themselves, the problem isn’t the person—it’s the entire profession's integrity.
So, I’m going to continue to drink out of my Harris, AOC, and RBG mugs and wear my pride stuff whenever I want. It’s my right to be me, and I will not be policed about these tiny little things. I have been able to do these things at ad agencies —so why not within a coaching community? None of this is hate speech. The issue is when hate gets directed at me for displaying my identity.
Let’s get on to the learning below…
What Psychological Safety Actually Means
We throw around the term psychological safety like it’s a group meditation soundtrack — calm, neutral, soothing.
But Harvard researcher Amy Edmondson, who coined the term in 1999, defined it differently:
A shared belief that a team is safe for interpersonal risk-taking.
In other words, you can show up as yourself without fear of humiliation or punishment.
That’s not comfort — that’s courage.
Her studies showed that teams with real psychological safety made more mistakes publicly — and that honesty led to learning, innovation, and trust.
Safety doesn’t mean nobody messes up. It means people know they won’t be punished for telling the truth.
But, somewhere along the way, the language of safety got hijacked.
Now, the people most likely to use the word “unsafe” are often the ones trying to silence others.
We’re seeing white, male, and conservative voices claim psychological safety when they’re merely uncomfortable.
We’re seeing corporate DEI programs frame “respect” as “don’t make anyone uncomfortable.”
And we’re watching marginalized people get punished for showing up too real, too vocal, too visible.
That’s not safety. That’s control.
It’s the same playbook we’ve seen in politics for decades — long before Trump.
Every Generation Rebrands Control as Safety
And every generation, the same types of people get silenced first:
We’ve seen this pattern before. In the 1960s, the FBI ran a covert operation called COINTELPRO — a so-called “counterintelligence program” that targeted Black, Indigenous, feminist, and anti-war organizers under the guise of protecting national security. In reality, it was state-sanctioned sabotage. Leaders like Martin Luther King Jr. and Fred Hampton were harassed, discredited, and even killed — all in the name of “safety.” It’s a chilling reminder that power often disguises control as protection, and that the language of safety has long been used to silence those seeking freedom.
Around the same time, the Southern Strategy turned racial fear into political currency. After the Civil Rights Act dismantled legal segregation, conservative strategists realized they could no longer campaign on open racism — so they coded it instead. “Law and order” became the new language of control. It framed Black protest as criminal, white resentment as patriotism, and systemic inequality as a matter of individual behavior. The message was simple: protect the peace by silencing the people demanding justice. It worked then, and it still echoes now — every time someone confuses another’s discomfort with danger.
And then came the Willie Horton ad in 1988 — a masterclass in coded fear. The Bush campaign used one man’s story, a Black man convicted of murder who committed another crime while on furlough, to terrify white voters into believing that safety meant punishment. It wasn’t about policy; it was about who gets to be seen as human. The ad’s subtext was clear: Blackness itself was a threat, and white anxiety was patriotism. That 30-second commercial helped redefine “crime” as color and “justice” as control — and the ripples still shape how power talks about safety today.
How to Tell When “Safety” is Cult-Like
Language policing replaces curiosity.
Leaders are always “right,” even when they harm.
The group avoids truth to protect its image.
Dissenters vanish quietly, and everyone pretends it was a “choice.
That’s not community. That’s coercion.
And coercion wrapped in empathy is still control.
Your Duty as a Leader or Coach
Your role isn’t to protect calm — it’s to protect truth.
To hold the edges so people can show up whole — messy, emotional, complex, and still safe enough to be seen.
You are not there to be the peacekeeper. You are there to be the container — the one who can hold conflict without collapsing, who models regulation without silencing reality. And especially not silencing marginalized folks.
You’re doing it right when:
You defend people, not power.
You invite curiosity instead of correction when someone challenges you.
You protect dissent without making it personal.
You make room for repair, not punishment.
You call people in before calling them out.
You remember that “professionalism” was built on exclusion.
You let emotion be data, not disruption.
You’re doing it wrong when:
You correct someone publicly to reassert authority.
You prioritize tone over substance.
You mistake fake politeness for integrity.
You let your own discomfort steer the group away from the truth.
You use “safety” as a shield to avoid accountability.
You treat regulation as repression instead of restoration.
You erase the voices of marginalized people who speak up.
If the room only feels safe for those at the top of the hierarchy, it’s not safe. It’s staged.
Real psychological safety in coaching isn’t about keeping things about “good vibes only.”
It’s about creating conditions where people can tell the truth, take emotional risks, and still know they belong.
That’s not neutrality. That’s leadership.
Your work is to build new norms grounded in care, not control.
If you can’t do that, you aren’t ready to lead.
Your Duty as a Participant or Client
Your job isn’t to be perfect — it’s to be real.
Psychological safety isn’t something you’re given; it’s something we co-create.
It’s a shared practice, not a performance.
You strengthen safety when:
You regulate your nervous system without erasing your truth.
You let discomfort become a teacher instead of a threat.
You hold your ground without needing to dominate the room.
You use your voice — even if it trembles — to name what’s real.
You stay curious about impact, not just intention.
You take responsibility for your part in the relational field, even when others don’t.
You fracture safety when:
You confuse “I’m uncomfortable” with “I’m unsafe.”
You turn sensitivity into a weapon to silence others.
You expect marginalized people to manage your emotions for you.
You mistake calm for virtue and discomfort for harm.
You demand neutrality instead of accountability.
True psychological safety isn’t about removing tension — it’s about staying in integrity when tension appears.
It’s learning how to stay human with each other, even when the truth is inconvenient.
Reflections to Take Away
If you want real safety, you have to give up the fantasy that it feels good all the time.
True safety is messy, emotional, full of repair and truth-telling.
True safety asks:
Can people bring their full humanity without punishment?
Can the group hold tension without exile?
Can leaders withstand discomfort without calling it “divisive”?
Because safety without truth isn’t safety.
It’s silence. And silence is how systems stay the same.
For Leaders and Coaches:
When was the last time you protected comfort instead of truth?
What does “psychological safety” mean to those with less power than you?
How can you make your spaces safe enough for disagreement, not just agreement?
For Marginalized Voices: Practice Self-Advocacy Like It’s Survival Work
You are not here to be palatable. You are here to be whole.
Stop shrinking to fit spaces that were built without you in mind. Your presence is already proof that the rules are outdated. Take up your full shape — in your words, your posture, your boundaries.
Build safety sideways, not upward. Find peers, allies, and co-conspirators who understand what it costs to stay visible. Power hoards safety at the top; liberation builds it laterally.
Speak your truth without apology or permission. You don’t owe diplomacy to systems that were never diplomatic with you. Your clarity is not aggression; it’s oxygen.
Document everything. When gaslighting is the culture, receipts are protection. Write it down, save the emails, keep your own record of reality.
Remember that self-advocacy is not rebellion — it’s repair. You are restoring balance in spaces that forgot how to honor difference. That’s leadership, not disruption.
About the Author
Minal Kamlani is a trauma-informed ADHD recovery coach based in NYC. She works with neurodivergent adults in recovery from trauma, burnout, and survival-based coping. Her coaching blends structure and nervous system awareness to help clients reclaim function—without shame or perfectionism. Learn more at Higher Vibes Coaching.