Read This if People Don’t “Hear” What You Have to Say
This is a practical guide for anyone tired of being talked over or ignored. It’s especially for you if anxiety, trauma, bullying, culture, or neurodivergence have minimized your voice.
We don’t lose our voice in one moment. We lose it slowly. A family member waves us off. A partner sighs or gets frustrated with us as we speak. A work or social “mistake” gets used against us. And learn to be quiet.
Your voice isn’t weak — it’s wise. Your voice didn’t disappear. It protected you. Your nervous system has history.
Here’s a step-by-step way to bring your voice back online—gently, clearly, and on your terms. These steps aren’t about being louder — they’re about feeling safe and confident enough that your voice doesn’t have to hide.
Step 1: Ground Your Body ❤️🩹
Before you worry about “sounding confident,” support your nervous system.
Quick grounding (30 seconds):
Slow exhale
Cold or warm drink
Feet pressed into the floor
Forearm squeeze
Loosen jaw + shoulders
Address reflux/diet triggers if your voice cuts out
If you can, track your Heart Rate Variability (HRV) using an Apple Watch, Oura, Whoop, or similar wearable.
Higher HRV = more emotional flexibility and steadier speech.
Step 2: Start with Safe People 🛡️
Practice talking where your system feels least threatened. Build confidence here first, then take it outward.
Safe people:
Let you finish talking
Pay attention to your words
Ask clarifying questions
Don’t gossip, mock, or minimize
Safe groups:
Share talk time
Don’t force others to talk
Don’t push points of view
Embrace different speaking styles
Step 3: Bottom-Line What You Want to Say 🎯
Before you speak, ask:
“What’s the one thing I need them to hear?”
Lead with that.
Everything else is support.
Bottom-lining reduces overthinking and keeps your voice clear and grounded.
Step 4: Slow Your Pace + Use Micro-Pauses ⏸️
Once you know what you want to say, change the tempo.
Pause after your first sentence
Pause again if you lose your words
Add more micro-pauses to ground yourself
Practice by recording and listening to both short and long voice notes and/or videos.
You may want to watch TEDx Talks or other content and find a speaking style that you'd like to emulate.
Step 5: Adjust for the Audience 🔄
Different settings require different versions of your voice. You’re not being inconsistent — you’re being adaptive.
In 1:1 chats:
Slow your pace, so important ideas land
Check in on how it’s sitting with them
Notice when their energy shifts
In groups:
Keep your points tight - bottom line each topic
Plant your feet firmly when sitting or standing
Engage/look at the most receptive people
Use pauses and questions to reset
Step 6: Notice Social Dynamics Without Blame 👁️
You don’t actually know why someone looks away, interrupts, or disengages. They could be tired, anxious, distracted, stressed, or avoidant. Or neurodivergent. Or their culture or upbringing required different dynamics. Your job isn’t to manage their internal world — only to notice your own safety, their response, and what you want to do about it. And they will make their own choices too.
Ask yourself:
How is talking feeling in my body?
Do I feel safe continuing?
Do I want to pause or check in?
You may want to ask them:
“Would prefer to talk about this another time?”
“Is this (still) okay to talk about?”
“Do you want to pause here?”
You could also gently change the topic, bring someone else into the conversation, or end it…
Step 7: Speak From Your Values 🔥
When in doubt, come back to yourself.
Your values are fuel for your voice.
Ask:
“Which value wants to be heard right now?”
When you speak from a value, your voice feels steadier and more you.
This is a helpful resource for discovering your values.
About the Author
Minal Kamlani is a trauma-informed ADHD recovery coach based in NYC. She works with neurodivergent adults in recovery from trauma, burnout, and survival-based coping. Her coaching blends structure and nervous system awareness to help clients reclaim function—without shame or perfectionism. Learn more at Higher Vibes Coaching.