It Sucks to Be Scapegoated for Telling the Truth
Have You Been Scapegoated?
When you name what’s not working—at work or in your family—you’re often seen as the problem.
Not because you’re wrong.
But because you disrupted the system’s ability to pretend everything’s fine.
Even when your tone is calm. Even when your intention is collaborative.
Even when what you’re offering is an invitation to make things safer or clearer for everyone.
How This Could Play Out at Work
Let’s say you join a team. You’re experienced, perceptive, and emotionally intelligent.
You notice gaps—not in a judgmental way, but because you’ve worked in many systems that ran differently. More smoothly.
You ask a few direct questions. You offer a suggestion or two.
And people pull back. Not outright, not overtly. But there’s a shift.
You’re then being “managed.” Scrutinized. Excluded from conversations you should be in.
Treated like you don’t quite get it—even though you do.
The people creating the confusion become your “handlers.”
And when you bring up what’s happening—politely, professionally—you are told you are being too sensitive.
You didn’t do anything wrong.
You just made it harder for the dysfunction to stay hidden.
Scapegoating Isn’t About You
In systems—familial or corporate—scapegoats serve a purpose: they carry the discomfort no one else wants to carry.
They give the system someone to blame, so the system doesn’t have to look at itself.
The scapegoat is usually the one who sees too much. Or feels too much. And refuses to pretend.
And those who have the most privilege in the system will do anything to protect the status quo.
And, sadly, the rest don’t admit to themselves how dangerous this can be.
Truth Telling Feels Unsafe Because It Was
Perhaps you were raised in a family where speaking up earned you punishment or exclusion.
So now, when someone twists your honesty into harm—even quietly—you feel the full weight of the old wound reactivated.
Even if you know it’s not really about you.
It’s your nervous system saying: “I’ve been punished for speaking up.”
You’re Not the Problem. You’re the Disruption.
Not in the loud, chaotic sense. But in the sense that you noticed something others were trying to manage through avoidance.
And your refusal to mirror dysfunction made you targeted.
That doesn’t mean you failed.
It means you saw clearly—and didn’t contort yourself into silence.
So, What Now?
You get to trust what you saw.
You get to name the pattern without absorbing their shame.
You get to stop overexplaining your clarity.
Because no matter how gently you say it, some people will still feel threatened when you speak a truth they’ve spent years avoiding.
That’s not your fault.
That’s the cost of staying honest in systems built on silence.
And it’s not a reason to shrink.
It’s a reason to be even more discerning about where your voice belongs.
About the Author
Minal Kamlani is a trauma-informed ADHD recovery coach based in NYC. She works with neurodivergent adults in recovery from trauma, burnout, and survival-based coping. Her coaching blends structure and nervous system awareness to help clients reclaim function—without shame or perfectionism. Learn more at Higher Vibes Coaching.